During my vacation home, my great grandfather (my Pop) ended up in the hospital with bronchitis. After only one day there he was moved to the ICU.... This all happened so quickly, I spent as much time at his bed side as I could. Talking to him, holding his hand, and comforting my family. It was so hard to see him hooked up to so many machines. The day came where the decision was made to take him off of life support because that's not how he would want to be living... It was a hard decision but it was the right decision. The doctors weren't sure how long he would live off of the life support, their job now was to keep him as comfortable as possible. All of us at the hospital, they removed all the tubes and wires... I was headed back to California later that day. My time to say "goodbye" came all too quickly. What do you say to someone you love sooooo very much, knowing you'll never get to see them again?
My thoughts were all over the place. I walked into room 244, his room.... Alone, I grabbed his cold hand and I just looked at him, his eyes closed, his face unshaven and his hair even a little messy... He did not look like the Pop I always knew. I couldn't help but to think that he would be somewhat annoyed had he known his hair wasn't combed as it always is and his face wasn't shaved.
After a few seconds, I opened my mouth and words started to come out. I told him how much I loved him, how much I have always looked up to him. I told him that I hated to see him like this, and that it was okay to let go... I assured him my grandmother (his daughter) would be okay. After I said that, his eyes opened and he was looking right into my eyes. Trying to hold my tears back, I continued to tell him that he was one of the most amazing men I have ever known and how fortunate I was to have had him in my life. I apologized to him for not giving him the chance to meet any great great grand children from me, that's one thing he was looking forward to. He always promised to be there and take their first pictures whenever that time has come. That was something special between us. I then told him I had to leave, that I was going back to Calofornia and I started to cry. I didn't want to leave his side. He was still looking into my eyes and then he squeezed my hand. I know that was him telling me it was okay to go home. I just knew.
I kissed him on the forehead, squeezed his hand one last time, and as I left the last thing I ever said to him was "to the moon and back, remember?"
I'll never forget those words.
I walked out of his room, only to have trouble breathing and go into an anxiety attack. My grandmother ran over to me as I collapsed to the floor. She just held me as we cried together. The pain I felt in that moment was unreal.
I said my goodbyes to my family, and I was on my way home to California. I landed around 11:30pm Cali time.
I got home and that night, my husband woke me up because he said I was breathing really fast. The strangest thing had happened, I was dreaming about my pop, it felt so real. He was there, in the room talking to me telling me he was okay. I believe he came to see me.
The next morning I called my mother to ask how my Pop was doing, and I could tell in her voice something was wrong.
She then explained to me that at 2:32am (Florida time) my Pop had passed away in his sleep. Which is 11:32pm Cali time. I like to believe he waited until I landed safely, to pass on.
I didn't want to believe this was real. The tears came rolling down my face, and the pain was back.
It has been one month today, since he has left us. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him.
To make things worse, I woke up yesterday to the news that my grandfather (my grandmother's husband) had passed away.... My grandmother in in New Jersey for my Pops (big) service, my grandfather stayed home because he was recovering from surgery the week before. My dad went to check on him and found him in his bed, he had a heart attack.
Hearing that, my heart dropped. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. My poor grandmother. First her father, now her husband. My heart is broken. My family is depressed, this was so unexpected.
Stanley will be missed greatly, he was a great man and treated my grandmother like a queen.
Our hearts are quite heavy and our minds are quite jumbled.
Please keep my family in your prayers through this hard time.
It seems grief is something we can't get away from right now.
RIP Pop, July 23, 2014
RIP Stan, August 22, 2014.
You two will be missed deeply. I love you both.
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