Keeping up with the Alvarado's!

 Since my last post, quite a few things have happened. For starters, my husband has reenlisted for another 4 years in the Marine Corps... I am so very proud of him! With this reenlistment, comes DEPLOYMENT which is creeping up on us very fast. This time around, he's going on ship and has so many "work ups" (tranining to get done before he leaves) that we are going to have barely any time to spend together. Now, I know I know.... That's military life and I am well aware of that. I don't think that anyone is ever really ready for deployment, buuuut I guess we are as "ready" as we can be. 

Aside from not seeing my husband for 6-9 months, I'm sad that with all the work ups we will have slim to no chance of concieving.... Which is something we have to accept. Distance is temporary, and we WILL have a baby some day. It is that thought alone that keeps me going. Some day, somehow, it WILL happen.

So, with the holidays coming up I am going to Florida to be with family and pablo was supposed to be meeting me there.... BUT thanks to these work ups and last minute date changes, pablo won't be able to make it. Our family and myself are crushed... Having to spend our holidays without him, because as if him leaving for MONTHS soon isn't enough. Right? That is just another thing we have to accept, and make the best of what we've got.  

   Given we live in 29 palms, for those who don't know where that is (because nobody ever does) it's the smallest "city" of nothing in Southern California, I'll be moving to Florida for the deployment. Which all seems to be happening so fast, 

But you know what? That's just life huh? 

In all, it's going to be a rough year but I have no doubt in my mind that all of this will only make us stronger. 

Nowwww it would be a true blessing and dream come true if by some miracle we concieved in the little time we do have together, but I have learned not to get my hopes up. 

   With that being said, we will remain hopeful and make the best of the time we do have together. 

Thank you to everyone who continues to keep us in your thoughts and prayers in our journey to conceive baby Alvarado. 

<3 

As time goes by...

As the days go by, and my body is seemingly back to "normal" I am learning to understand that this wasn't my fault. I can't change what happened, so I am looking forward to what can, and will happen. I've come to realize that I don't think I am really ready to try again right away like we planned. Emotionally, I am not ready to even have a chance of going through this again. Our time will come, right now is not the right time and I'm proud of myself for being able to admit that. Good things come to those who wait. 

One day, our rainbow will come. <3 

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who checked in with us, sent their kind worlds, and truly care about us. We appreciate all of you <3 

We're not giving up. 

Grieving, finding comfort in the sky.

There is no "right" way to grieve. 

Grief is a personal experience, grief is something someone must go through in their own way. The loss of someone you love is not something you will ever get over, it is something you will get through. 

My husband and I are taking each day as it comes, I can't lie and say how we're fine.... When really, we're not. We have lost yet, another child. Although we have never got to meet our babies we love them as much as any parent who has been fortunate enough to meet their children.. They are still and will forever be our babies. Our little angels up above. We will try again soon, and keep trying until that magical day we get to bring home a healthy baby. 

For now, we find comfort in the sky. The Suns rays that warm our bodies are our angels hugging their mommy and daddy. The stars shining down are our babies smiling down at us, and the moon lighting the night sky is our babies reminding mommy and daddy that they are with us wherever we go. 

We love you both so much. 

If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

   I don't even know where to begin, I must warn you this post is going to be very detailed.... Letting it out helps me. 

Sunday night, we got home from a day at the mall... I had been slightly cramping throughout the day but I figured it was just my uturus stretching some more for the growing baby inside of it. I went to the restroom and started to bleed, it was a very small amount of blood but it was dark red which is what scared me. I freaked out, immediately my heart shattered and I yelled for Pablo. 

   

   He calmed me down, and we were on our way to the emergency room. We got there and they took us in quite quickly. My heart rate was high given my nerves were shot. First they took my blood to run some tests, then gave me a pelvic exam, which seemed promising. The doctor explained that so far, everything looked fine.... We got a little hopeful. 

   We then waited, as I received an IV for fluids. We waited some more, they then took me to ultrasound where they performed an external and and internal one. I got a horrible feeling during the ultrasounds... My gut was telling me something was wrong. 

They took me back to my room, and we waited what seemed to be the longest 20 minutes of our lives. The doctor came in and my heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty and I was shakey. He looked down, then looked at us and told us he was so sorry... That my HCG level was at 4,000 which was extremely low for 10 1/2 weeks pregnant and that my ultrasound showed the baby not measuring where it should of been. A month ago, my HCG level was at 25,744.... When I told him that, he explained to me that for it to drop that low he was sure I would miscarry within the week. I basically felt as if we were sent home to wait to lose our baby. I couldn't stop crying, and it felt so had to breathe. That night, we barely got any sleep. The next day came, and I couldn't help but feel so upset. I had no facial expressions, I just kind of sat there at watched TV, drank lots of water in hope of a miracle happening. Later that evening the cramping came back, they were pretty intense. Then the bleeding started again, and I just cried. I knew what was happening. My lower back started to hurt so bad, it was as if nothing was relieving me of pain. My stomach got really low, and was rock hard. I just cried and cried and cried. The pain got unbearable. A few hours passed, the bleeding hadn't stopped but then.... I felt pressure in my lower stomach, I went to the bathroom and started to cry, I pushed really hard and it happened, immediately after I passed everything the physical pain seemed to almost of disappeared. The cramps that had just seemed unbearable were at a minimum pain level. I passed several HUGE blood clots and in all of that also our little baby. My heart sank into my stomach. The emotional pain is so bad. I feel slightly traumatized from what I experienced last night. My hert literally hurts, and I just feel empty. 

My husband is just as heart broken and hurt as I am, but he is being the "strong one". He has been amazing through all of this and I am so thankful to have him by my side. We will get through this together. We both grew such love for this baby, we both got so attached. We can't believe this is real. We both just want to wake up from a terrible nightmare and have our baby back. 

we are filled with grief. Our second angel is now in heaven watching over us. 

My doctors are going to give me blood tests every Tuesday until my HCG level is down to zero. Then we are going to see a fertility doctor, they'll run tests and we'll figure out what's going on. They said the good news is that we can GET pregnant, we just need to be able to STAY pregnant. 

We will never lose hope, we will never forget our babies. One day, we will have a healthy baby. 

9 1/2 weeks.

So far, so good. 😍 

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, and as happy as I could possibly ever be. We have our first ultrasound appointment made for this month, WE CAN'T WAIT. 

So far, I am super bloated.... Hungry alllllllll the time, I guess morning sickness is different for everyone and the morning sickeness I experience consists of feeling like complete crap and super nauseas every morning for about 30-40 minutes... I've been super moody lately and well, for the most part it's nothing too bad. 

I have a feeling we're having a boy, the Chinese calendar says girl... And I've looked at a bunch of old wives tales and those are 50/50. <3 

Not tooooo much longer until we can find out. 

But a weeeee raspberry.

   Baby Alvarado update! 

Everything is going great, baby is measuring 7 weeks TODAY! We have a new due date, May 7, 2015 which happens to be my daddy's birthday!

Baby Alvarado is the size of a raspberry this week and has a healthy heartbeat of 96 beautiful beats per minute. I cannot even begin to describe how beyond happy we are! 

Let's see, so far I am craving lettuce (with a little red wine vinegar) have some heartburn every now and again, NO MORNING SICKNESS (I feel lucky) suuuuuuper bloated, tired alllllll the time, hungry often and over all HAPPY.  

Short post today, will post more as the weeks keep coming! 

Thanks again for the prayers, and congratulations! The Alvarado's are so thankful, and so happy. 

From one side, to the other.

              Being as I myself have experienced pregnancy loss, I know the heartache.... And now experiencing so far a healthy pregnancy I know the pure happiness and joy of waking up every day knowing a little life is forming inside of my own body. 

   My heart truly goes out to every woman who has experience pregnancy, infant, child loss and most definitely to those women who cannot have children of their own. I feel every woman should get to experience ce something as beautiful as pregnancy, giving birth and raising a child. 

To those women trying to conceive, my advice to you is never to give up. Always hope that this month is THE MONTH....something as beautiful as a life is worth trying for, forever. 

  I know the disappointment of trying and it not happening right away, but remember there's always next month to look forward to. 

I truly wish such things as miscarriages, stillbirths, and infertility didn't exist. I just wish everyone had the chance to experience this. It hurts me heart to know so many women cannot. 

   I strongly suggest talking about it, to those of you who have experienced a loss or cannot get pregnant. Talk about it, don't keep it all in because that will only cause you to feel even worse. 

I am always available for anyone who needs to talk, remember that. 

<3

But I'm "barely" even pregnant.

  Dum, dum, dummmm. 

Being this early on in my pregnancy, I didn't think flying would be so uncomfortable. Boy, was I wrong. 

It all started when I knew I should of gone to sleep early last night, but didn't because the husband wanted some brownies. Well, 4 hours of sleep went by all too quickly. My alarm went off at 3:25am and I had to fight myself to get out of bed, immediately I thought to myself "well I'll definitely sleep on the plane!" W R O N G. 

  I got ready to go and we headed out, within 15 minutes of being on our way there it is again, the overwhelming feeling of hunger hit me hard. Soooo we stopped for food! This made my tummy very happy. Then of course I took my prenatal, which is so big it almost made me throw up in the car. 

     A little bit if nausea hit this morning so I was hoping for smooth flights. We get to the airport and I check in, they were kind enough to allow Pablo to wait with me at my gate. We hung out, said our see you laters (because I'll be in florida for a month) and I was boarding my first flight. Seeing it was only a 50 minute flight, how bad could it be, right? THE WORST. Terbulance the entire flight, bump after bump after bump, as ifffffff I wasn't nauseaous enough. Finally, that plane landed and I had 15 minutes to make it to my next flight. The airport was PACKED, I was walking to my gate and it hit me, I HAD TO PEE something serious. I found the closest bathroom to my gate, which was actually quite far from my gate and the line was out the door and down the hallway, I couldn't wait in that line.... I was to board my flight in 5 minutes. Ugh, I had to hold it... Which was the worst because I reallllllllly had to pee. 

    Anyway, everyone is on the plane and we're waiting and waiting and waiting...... 20 minutes later the captain comes on the radio saying a staff member was sick, and we were waiting for a new one to replace them..... Another 20 minutes goes by and he finally arrives, the entire place actually started clapping..... Mind you, we all just sat on a non-moving plane for 40 minutes with an insane amount of screaming children. 

    We finally took off, and I feel time is going to slow. I can't get comfortable for the life of me and a group of four 7 year olds, and 5 teens are next to me and they are unbelievably loud and quite rude. I've heard things like "do that and I'll punch you in the mouth" and "damn it!" Come out of the little ones mouth already. 

   Lawddddd knows I just want to land already, this travel day has been the travel day from hell. 

 Why does California have to be so far away from florida again? 

Why have we not found a faster way of traveling yet? 

On another note, I have been to the doctor twice already. My pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor the day after I took an at home test, and yesterday I went to do a mountain of paperwork, walk though how my appointments will work, another pee tests, and an insane amount of blood work! 

Everything with Baby Alvarado is good still, and we couldn't be happier. Seeing as I will be in florida for a month, I will be missing two doctors appointments so as soon as I get back we will be getting to see our little baby for the first time and we cannot wait! 

Thank you for all of your prayers, congratulations and support. I truly appreciate it. 

I feel so safe with this pregnancy, I know my pop, and Stan are watching over and protecting the little life growing inside of me. 

Now, I must get back to trying to get comfortable on this horrible plane. 

(Published 3 days after writing) 

Why today is sooooo special. ♡

  To everyone that has been following my blog and our journey to conceive baby Alvarado.... 

IT HAPPENED. We are finallllllly expecting our rainbow baby. 

   I went to the store today to buy a razor and as I passed all the pregnancy tests something told me to buy one.... I just had a feeling. For some odd reason I was nervous from the moment I picked up that pink box. The entire ride home from the store I was telling myself "why did you buy that thing, it's only going to hurt when it says negative" 

   I got home, and went straight into the bathroom.... Peed on that stick and set it down... Before I knew it the first line appeared and my heart started beating so fast. ♡ I picked up the test and there it was, TWO LINES and the first line was just so BOLD. 

  Unlike last time, the first time I was pregnant the first line was very faint. To me, this is a sign that this time it's going to stick. It's really really happening. ♡

I then got into the car and drove to my husbands job, called him and asked him to come outside. I made up some story about needing something really quick. He saw the huge smile on my face and asked me what was up, I handed him the pregnancy test and he smiled so big, we are both so overwhelmed with happiness. 

The timing just seems right, not only did we find out we are expecting this baby on SHANIA TWAIN's birthday, but with the two recent losses in my family, "a life lost is a life gained".  I have been praying to my Pop every night, and there's no doubt in my mind he is watching over us. 

I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning, thank you again! 

Pregnancy brain.

Well guys, I have managed to think too much into every little thing I have been noticing the last few weeks.

   Let me explain, (you are being warned that I am holding nothing back and you might not want to read what I have to say) I'm supposed to get my period next week and I have noticed some things that are out of the norm for me. My nipples have been so itchy and even a little sore, my boobs are killllllling me.... Yes I know this happens before a period, buttttt normally for me it doesn't happen until the day before my period not the week before, I feel as if my sense of smell is heightened, alllllllllllthough that could be the fact that I'm also not used to my nose not being clogged 100% of the day, I have had what seems to be heartburn a few times this week in the morning and when I lay down to go to sleep,  I have been kind of gassy which is wayyyyy out of the norm for me, also I have been getting frequent headaches and slight cramps for a good few days now. 

   I know, I know all of those things could mean anything but of course my hopes are up that I really might be pregnant. 🙏

I guess as of now, I'm just waiting to see if my period comes or not.... And I know that when it does I'm going to be completely devastated, BUT we will keep trying. 🙏 

Please please please pray for us in our journey to conceive baby Alvarado. 🙏👶

Always hoping this is the month. 

   

G r i e f.

  To those who have never experienced grief, it is just a five letter word... This past month has been a tough one. 

    During my vacation home, my great grandfather (my Pop) ended up in the hospital with bronchitis. After only one day there he was moved to the ICU.... This all happened so quickly, I spent as much time at his bed side as I could. Talking to him, holding his hand, and comforting my family. It was so hard to see him hooked up to so many machines. The day came where the decision was made to take him off of life support because that's not how he would want to be living... It was a hard decision but it was the right decision. The doctors weren't sure how long he would live off of the life support, their job now was to keep him as comfortable as possible. All of us at the hospital, they removed all the tubes and wires... I was headed back to California later that day. My time to say "goodbye" came all too quickly. What do you say to someone you love sooooo very much, knowing you'll never get to see them again? 

   My thoughts were all over the place. I walked into room 244, his room.... Alone, I grabbed his cold hand and I just looked at him, his eyes closed, his face unshaven and his hair even a little messy... He did not look like the Pop I always knew. I couldn't help but to think that he would be somewhat annoyed had he known his hair wasn't combed as it always is and his face wasn't shaved.

    After a few seconds, I opened my mouth and words started to come out. I told him how much I loved him, how much I have always looked up to him. I told him that I hated to see him like this, and that it was okay to let go... I assured him my grandmother (his daughter) would be okay. After I said that, his eyes opened and he was looking right into my eyes. Trying to hold my tears back, I continued to tell him that he was one of the most amazing men I have ever known and how fortunate I was to have had him in my life. I apologized to him for not giving him the chance to meet any great great grand children from me, that's one thing he was looking forward to. He always promised to be there and take their first pictures whenever that time has come. That was something special between us. I then told him I had to leave, that I was going back to Calofornia and I started to cry. I didn't want to leave his side. He was still looking into my eyes and then he squeezed my hand. I know that was him telling me it was okay to go home. I just knew. 

   I kissed him on the forehead, squeezed his hand one last time, and as I left the last thing I ever said to him was "to the moon and back, remember?" 

I'll never forget those words. 

I walked out of his room, only to have trouble breathing and go into an anxiety attack. My grandmother ran over to me as I collapsed to the floor. She just held me as we cried together. The pain I felt in that moment was unreal. 

I said my goodbyes to my family, and I was on my way home to California. I landed around 11:30pm Cali time. 

I got home and that night, my husband woke me up because he said I was breathing really fast. The strangest thing had happened, I was dreaming about my pop, it felt so real. He was there, in the room talking to me telling me he was okay. I believe he came to see me. 

The next morning I called my mother to ask how my Pop was doing, and I could tell in her voice something was wrong. 

She then explained to me that at 2:32am (Florida time) my Pop had passed away in his sleep. Which is 11:32pm Cali time. I like to believe he waited until I landed safely, to pass on. 

I didn't want to believe this was real. The tears came rolling down my face, and the pain was back. 

    It has been one month today, since he has left us. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him. 

    To make things worse, I woke up yesterday to the news that my grandfather (my grandmother's husband) had passed away.... My grandmother in in New Jersey for my Pops (big) service, my grandfather stayed home because he was recovering from surgery the week before. My dad went to check on him and found him in his bed, he had a heart attack. 

   Hearing that, my heart dropped. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. My poor grandmother. First her father, now her husband. My heart is broken. My family is depressed, this was so unexpected. 

   Stanley will be missed greatly, he was a great man and treated my grandmother like a queen. 

Our hearts are quite heavy and our minds are quite jumbled. 

Please keep my family in your prayers through this hard time. 

It seems grief is something we can't get away from right now. 

RIP Pop, July 23, 2014

RIP Stan, August 22, 2014. 

You two will be missed deeply. I love you both. 

Keep on keepin' on, even if it breaks your heart.

 

        To every woman that has ever experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss, my heart goes out to you. The pain we feel, nobody can quite understand unless they have experienced what we have. It all starts when you notice you have missed your period, and you don't feel too great.... You head to the store and buy one of those pink boxes... You pee on that stick, set it down somewhere and step away for a minute. Anxiously waiting to see what it will say, you pick it up and BOOM those two lines are there as bold as ever. At first, you might be shocked but the happiness that takes over your entire body is stronger than any other happiness you have ever felt in your entire life. You take another test, and another and another because you don't think this is real, you're PREGNANT. Life has started to form inside of your own body. The thought alone is beautiful. You then share the news with your spouse, or that special someone. I'm sure they're just as shocked as you at first, maybe even more... but happiness takes over their body as well. Then, you have to make an appointment with your doctor to "confirm" your pregnancy, because 7 at home tests just "isn't" enough, right? Appointment day rolls around, and you're as happy as ever and even a little nervous. The nurse calls your name, they ask you a few questions and have you pee in a cup... A few minutes later, the doctor comes back in and says "you're pregnant!" and all of a sudden, its really real. Then there is more questions and blood work to make sure everything is okay. They send you home on your merry way, you leave smiling ear to ear. The thought of everything that is about to happen, the way your life is about to change, it is all very exciting. From that very moment of finding out you are pregnant, you are bonded with the little life that is growing inside of you.
   Now imagine one day, waking up and that happiness.. that little life you are growing, is gone. Just like that. in the blink of eye, worst of all there's no real answer as to why this happened... Imagine that. The pain that takes over your entire body, mind and soul is unbearable.

    Why this ever has to happen to anybody, I will never understand. No loss is too small, they all hurt... whether you carried full term, a few weeks, delivered and lost as an infant, or a child of any age. A loss is a loss.

I just want you all to know that you're not alone. 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Talk about it, and never give up. Talk, even when you feel nobody is listening. Always keep trying, you'll cry along the way... but the longer the wait, the sweeter the blessing. To all of you ladies out there who are trying and nothing seems to be working, keep faith. Tell yourself that you will be pregnant one day, you will have a beautiful, healthy baby one day. Something as precious as a baby, a being that you and your partner make, someone that grows from within yourself is worth trying for, forever. As long as it takes.


You are not alone, your angel baby lives within you. In your heart, and in your mind. You carry them wherever you go.

I do this to myself.

   I don't even know where to begin.... As it gets further into the month, and my cycle..... I have got the idea in my head that I think this month might be THE MONTH. I know I shouldn't do that, but I can't even help it at this point. 

    Trying to remain patient, has to be the toughest thing in this situation. The waiting game, time seems to feel as if it goes so slow. I feel this is the situation where the whole "expect the worst, but hope for the best" saying is completely relevant. I should expect to get my period as usual, but hope to miss it I guess. At this point, only time can really tell. 

I feel as if a part of me will only feel heart broken when that time comes and I actually do get my period. I also know that I will be okay, because we will never stop trying. 💕💏 one day I will be pregnant, and we will have a beautiful, healthy baby. Our time will come. I can only pray that it comes soon. 

  Yesterday, hubs and I were watching a movie and had his arm wrapped around me as I laid on his chest... His hand was on my stomach and he kissed my forhead, looked at his hand and pulled it up a little above my stomach and told me "one day your stomach is going to be this big, we will have our baby." The smile that grew on my face was literally from ear to ear.  When you want something this bad, the wait literally feels like forever. In the mean time we're just having fun, we don't to try so hard that it becomes frustrating or something like a chore. 

 The journey to conceive baby Alvarado continues. 🙏👶 

Late night head full of thoughts.

 These late nights are getting old, the same thoughts circling round and round in my mind keeping me up all night sometimes. I have learned that although the physical pain of misscarrying goes away, the emotional pain however.... It stays with you. It has almost been a year since that horrible morning, and the emotional pain is still here. I can't help but to wonder what he or she would of looked like, or how it would feel to be up right now feeding him or her rather than up, empty handed and heavy hearted. 

Our angel baby will always live within me, in my heart and in my mind. I often have dreams of a beautiful baby girl, with big brown eyes, long eye lashes, thick dark hair, tannish skin, the cutest little nose and pink lips. 💕🙏👶 I like to think maybe that's what she would have looked like, had I carried full term and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby.

  I was due June 2nd, 2014. Our baby would have been 2 months old already. 💕  

People constantly tell me that we weren't ready, and that's why I lost that baby.... I don't even think any of the people who say that, understand how much it hurts to hear that and how angry it makes me sometimes. I don't believe that, I do not know why this happened to me, so I don't expect you to know either. 

      I'll never forget how I felt that morning at the hospital, after the doctors told me I misscarried. Besides the overwhelming sadness that took over my entire body, a huge part of me felt like a failure. My body failed at something it's "supposed" to be able to do. I was so ashamed to tell our family and friends, I felt as if I let so many people down. Having the happiness ripped away from my husband and myself was one thing.... But having to face reality and tell our family whom were so beyond excited and happy as well, was hard on it's own. I didn't really even want to talk about it much at first, I just held it all in.... But that made me angry for a very long time. Holding in things you need to let out is really bad for you. Venting now, helps so much. It's such a release. 

A part of me feels that our time is coming, I have a gut feeling we will be blessed with good news soon. I know not to get my hopes up, but when you want something as badly as we want this.... It's quite hard. 

I just know we will be such good, loving parents. 💕 

Sticky baby dust our way would be greatly appreciated. 🙏👶

Update on the making of Baby Alvarado. 💕

I figured I would keep y'all updated on our journey to conceive baby Alvarado. <3 TMI, but I'm holding nothing back. Currently I am in my fertile window, so we're hoping it might happen this month. I know not to get my hopes up, but we are just having fun and whatever happeneds happeneds. <3 I know that dreadful day I do get my period, I'll probably cry, but I know one day it's bound to happen for us. 

 Please keep us in your thoughts, send some baby dust our way <3 

I'm trying my hardest to stay positive throughout this whole thing. I can't help but to think how different our lives would be right now had we brought our baby home on June 2, 2014 like we were supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason though, I may not know what that reason is, but I know our time will come. <3 

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read what I have to share, this means sooo very much to me. <3 

3 years 11 months....

4 cars, 3 homes, 2 kittens and 2 dogs later we are only one month away from celebrating our 4th year married. Funny, our first car together was an Altima, got rid of it for a Kia something I forgot, then got rid of that for a Kia soul and currently have an Altima again. Oh how things change. I remember our first home together, it was small and we didn't have much.... But we were happy. Our second home was a little bigger and being a little more established it was nicer, and our third home the one we currently live in is my favorite so far. I know there will be many more homes to come because of his job, but that's okay with me. Ohhhh our first kitten, Meeko... He was the sweetest most loving little guy ever. Unfortunately when I moved home to Florida to my parents, I was unable to being Meeko and had found him a wonderful, loving new home here in 29 palms. We miss him so much. Currently, we just got a new kitten, she is 7 weeks old and we named her Nilla. She is soooo cute, fluffy and cuddly. She stole our hearts already. When we lived in our first home, after a few weeks we got our first dog together, and names him KINKO. He is so cuuuuute, he stole our hearts right away. Being the first ever dog Pablo has ever had they will always share that bond. Well, we noticed my allergies were getting worse and worse around KINKO, we tried different medicines but nothing worked.... I was moving home for hubs deployment and shortly before that, KINKO had bit a 2 year old girl in the face while I was babysitting... That scared me because my brother was 2 at the time. We did not want to risk him biting my brother, my inlaws agreed to take KINKO. Which made us very happy, he is so loved there and we still get to see our little baby. Bane, where do I begin? We got a new dog after my husband's deployment... A dog with much shorter hair for my allergies. He was so smart and full of life. Unfortunately, the day my husband brought Bane to the vet for his Parvo shot.... They informed us he already had Parvo.... We chose to hospitalize him in hopes of saving his life but after a week and him not getting any better, we had to put him down. Our hearts still hurt for our little Bane. 

   It's crazy how things change, how fast time goes by. My husband and I have been through everything meant to break us, and always come out stronger. Our crazy, beautiful life has really just begun.... In one month, we will be checking into a nice hotel and spending our anniversary together.... Very much looking forward to everything else in store for us in the years to come. 💕

From the best day of my life, to the worst in the blink of an eye.

The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the happiest days of my life, I cannot even express in words the happiness that took over my entire body. My husband and I were going to be PARENTS. Our family was just as happy for us... Unfortunately, October 2, 2013 I woke up very early with extreme back pain, and horrible cramps. I went to the bathroom and started bleeding. I knew what was happening but I did not want to believe that it was really happening. I arrived at the hospital and doctors rushed me in to be examined. Test after test, ultrasounds and pelvic exams the doctor left, only to come back and tell me that this nightmare was real, tears running down my face. I had a miscarriage. A piece of me died that morning. 

The me that was overwhelmed with happiness had now become filled with sadness. Such a dark, empty feeling. I was hollow. Months went by and I couldn't help but to wonder what our baby would have looked like, what it would of been like to hold our baby for the first time, who's eyes, hair, lips would our baby of had? And so on.... As what would of been my due date got closer and closer I grew sadder and sadder knowing we wouldn't be bringing home our beautiful baby that day. 

The physical pain I experienced that morning was borderline unbareable, but it went away... The emotional pain however, I feel I will always carry that pain within myself. 

With the support of my family, friends and my husband I am doing much better. 

It's almost been a year, and recently my husband and I have started trying to get pregnant again. We have the upmost faith within our hearts that our time will come, hopefully soon. 

Hello, hello. 💕

I'm quite new to this, so let me start by introducing myself. My name is Heather Alvarado, I am married to Pablo for almost 4 years. We got married when I was 18 and him 19.... True love still does exist. I'm starting this blog to vent and share our story.