I don't even know where to begin, I must warn you this post is going to be very detailed.... Letting it out helps me.
Sunday night, we got home from a day at the mall... I had been slightly cramping throughout the day but I figured it was just my uturus stretching some more for the growing baby inside of it. I went to the restroom and started to bleed, it was a very small amount of blood but it was dark red which is what scared me. I freaked out, immediately my heart shattered and I yelled for Pablo.
He calmed me down, and we were on our way to the emergency room. We got there and they took us in quite quickly. My heart rate was high given my nerves were shot. First they took my blood to run some tests, then gave me a pelvic exam, which seemed promising. The doctor explained that so far, everything looked fine.... We got a little hopeful.
We then waited, as I received an IV for fluids. We waited some more, they then took me to ultrasound where they performed an external and and internal one. I got a horrible feeling during the ultrasounds... My gut was telling me something was wrong.
They took me back to my room, and we waited what seemed to be the longest 20 minutes of our lives. The doctor came in and my heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty and I was shakey. He looked down, then looked at us and told us he was so sorry... That my HCG level was at 4,000 which was extremely low for 10 1/2 weeks pregnant and that my ultrasound showed the baby not measuring where it should of been. A month ago, my HCG level was at 25,744.... When I told him that, he explained to me that for it to drop that low he was sure I would miscarry within the week. I basically felt as if we were sent home to wait to lose our baby. I couldn't stop crying, and it felt so had to breathe. That night, we barely got any sleep. The next day came, and I couldn't help but feel so upset. I had no facial expressions, I just kind of sat there at watched TV, drank lots of water in hope of a miracle happening. Later that evening the cramping came back, they were pretty intense. Then the bleeding started again, and I just cried. I knew what was happening. My lower back started to hurt so bad, it was as if nothing was relieving me of pain. My stomach got really low, and was rock hard. I just cried and cried and cried. The pain got unbearable. A few hours passed, the bleeding hadn't stopped but then.... I felt pressure in my lower stomach, I went to the bathroom and started to cry, I pushed really hard and it happened, immediately after I passed everything the physical pain seemed to almost of disappeared. The cramps that had just seemed unbearable were at a minimum pain level. I passed several HUGE blood clots and in all of that also our little baby. My heart sank into my stomach. The emotional pain is so bad. I feel slightly traumatized from what I experienced last night. My hert literally hurts, and I just feel empty.
My husband is just as heart broken and hurt as I am, but he is being the "strong one". He has been amazing through all of this and I am so thankful to have him by my side. We will get through this together. We both grew such love for this baby, we both got so attached. We can't believe this is real. We both just want to wake up from a terrible nightmare and have our baby back.
we are filled with grief. Our second angel is now in heaven watching over us.
My doctors are going to give me blood tests every Tuesday until my HCG level is down to zero. Then we are going to see a fertility doctor, they'll run tests and we'll figure out what's going on. They said the good news is that we can GET pregnant, we just need to be able to STAY pregnant.
We will never lose hope, we will never forget our babies. One day, we will have a healthy baby.
